Ebook Download Second Time Foster Child: How One Family Adopted a Fight Against the State for their Son's Mental Healthcare while Preserving their Family, by Toni Hoy
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Second Time Foster Child: How One Family Adopted a Fight Against the State for their Son's Mental Healthcare while Preserving their Family, by Toni Hoy
Ebook Download Second Time Foster Child: How One Family Adopted a Fight Against the State for their Son's Mental Healthcare while Preserving their Family, by Toni Hoy
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About the Author
 Toni Hoy, a long time foster-adoptive parent, lives in the Chicago area. As a leading child mental health advocate, she has made presentations before state departments and legislators. She was interviewed on WORT's radio program, "Healthwriter" and has authored articles for the Family Defense Center newsletter and Rise Magazine as a free-lance writer. She chairs the Children's Advocacy Committee for NAMI Barrington Area affiliate, where she serves as a board member. In addition, she authors a regular column for the NAMI Barrington Area newsletter called "In the Trench" and facilitates a family support group. She earned a B.A. in Communications from Thomas Edison State College and was a recipient of the Arnold Fletcher Award for academic excellence. She is married and has four children.
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Product details
Paperback: 250 pages
Publisher: Morgan James Publishing; 1 edition (May 1, 2012)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 9781614481607
ISBN-13: 978-1614481607
ASIN: 1614481601
Product Dimensions:
6 x 0.6 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.5 out of 5 stars
35 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#385,351 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
As an attorney mom with a special needs child, I have had the opportunity to represent families in difficult situations due to their child's mental health issues. I admire Toni's courage to not only live her story, but to share it. She is an inspirational parent advocate, as well as an example of the amazing love of a mother that never gives up. I have actually ordered more than one copy of her book. When it comes in, it seems there is always someone who needs her story. Because I believe education on this issue is so vital, I am so grateful for the positive impact Toni's book and efforts have had in the system and hope they spread across the world. If you have never "been there," you won't believe it really happens. Once you know, you can never forget.
This book really hit home as I am going through the same things with my son now. Toni has explained all of the ins and outs of the system and has helped me have a better understanding of what is right and what is definitely wrong! Toni is a great representative and advocate for all families suffering with children who have a mental illness and can not obtain care for them. This is a must read for anyone going through this and especially anyone who is supporting someone going through this. This is a situation in which unless you are part of it, you don't really understand it. Thanks Toni for all that you do!!!
Toni Hoy's story is the story of many families dealing with the challenges of pursuing mental health services for their severely/chronically mentally ill and dangerous children. These families are desperate for mental health services for their biological and adopted children. Think there is nothing that would force you to separate your family members, even for mental health issues when family members have been harmed? Read Toni's book before you answer that question. I wish I'd had this book in hand prior to pursuing residential treatment for my suicidal/homicidal child. Professionals said she couldn't be safe in the presence of other children, and they couldn't be safe in her presence, either. Insurance doesn't pay for residential treatment, which runs about $250,000 a year. Sometimes school districts pursue funding for the educational expenses, however, families still are responsible for thousands of dollars each month, more than their total take home pay for many families.Safety plans that include cameras in each room of the house, sound monitors, alarms on bedroom doors, walkie-talkies, and whistles around the neck of the most vulnerable in the home might sound reasonable to some folks, as long as these plans aren't happening for THEIR OWN children. The families have already been traumatized and now parents are being told to implement these safety plans so that a dangerous child might return to the home?Like Toni's family, most families are already financially devastated because they've moved Heaven and Earth to pursue every type of support for their child. Like Toni, I was told that Individual Care Grants are routinely denied. Bring the child home? Risk neglect charges for endangering siblings. Refuse to bring home a mentally ill, dangerous child that has already harmed siblings physically and emotionally? Risk neglect charges, again. Sound like a lose-lose situation? Welcome to Toni's world, and mine, too. Think Toni's situation is merely a family that fell through the cracks? There are many of us living the hell that Toni's family faced.I can only hope that legislators, DCFS workers, and those involved with the court systems will invest thirty minutes to begin reading Toni's book. They will quickly see their role in parents needing to make "the devil's deal"; trading custody for mental health services to save the lives of their mentally ill child and the lives of their children that remain at home who have already been traumatized. There are many families that have made "the devil's deal", like Toni's family did; choosing the least harmful of all bad options, which in the end meant trading guardianship for mental health services that cannot be accessed through any other route.I plan to share this book with service providers and legislators. Our tax dollars are at waste with the current system, which "manages" families through the same court system that "manages" abusive and neglectful parents. The families are not the problem. The families have pursued every possible support for their kids. The system is accustom to dealing with problem parents. Toni Hoy was not the problem. Toni's family and our families are dealing with clinical cases for severely mentally ill, dangerous children, that cannot remain in our homes; not abuse issues. These are not kids with "issues". These are kids that cannot function within a family environment, despite therapeutic parenting, therapists, psychiatrists, medication, psychiatric hospitalizations, and special education services. Until legislators help, as Toni suggests, to develop a system to manage clinical cases, our tax dollars will continue to be wasted when social workers are managing healthy, functional, well educated parents. These parents know how to access services for their children, until the needs of their children reach a level that no family could maintain safety, and the doors to help are locked.DCFS workers will continue to make monthly visits to see children that they acknowledge in their own reports that are safe and well provided for, now that the dangerous sibling is in residential treatment. They do this because their procedures dictate that when a child who is in residential treatment has a "return home" permanency goal, and siblings, the sibling must be visited monthly. This retraumatized my daughter, who was abused by her sister, monthly, for more than four years. It was a reminder that her sister, who had threatened, intimidated, manipulated, and abused her continued to have a "return home" goal. DCFS workers will continue to waste their time at frequent court appearances, administrative case reviews, staffings, and family meetings. Permanency court appearances are for the child in residential treatment. Administrative case reviews, family meetings, and monthly visits are to manage the family that is NOT the problem. These are the same families that have pursued every possible support for their child, in an attempt to heal them from the damage that happened before their child joined the family.CASA volunteers come to the table with the best of intentions, but their total of 40 hours of training doesn't allow them the opportunity to even begin to learn about how early trauma and sexual abuse damages the brains of victims and turns some of them into abusers. My skin crawled when I listened to descriptions of visits they had with my daughter. Any professional with any type of understanding of reactive attachment disorder would avoid the interactions that have been described to me by CASA volunteers. Therapists did not interact with my child in the way that CASA volunteers did. Adults in the residential treatment facility did not interact with my child in the way that CASA volunteers did. Teachers did not interact with my child in the way that CASA volunteers did. Family and friends did not interact with my daughter in the way that CASA volunteers did, as they understood how damaging the interactions would be with a child that has reactive attachment disorder. The interactions CASA had with my daughter would have been totally appropriate for a child that has healthy attachments; they were not appropriate for a child with reactive attachment disorder. Why hasn't CASA advocated for my child that was physically and sexually abused? CASA has never inquired about the well being of my child that was abused.States Attorneys that do not have professional training in trauma and the brain damage that many children have experienced due to early neglect and trauma, before joining their adoptive families, will continue to process their no-fault dependent minor petitions in court with frequent threats of changing the status to "neglect". While frustrating that they see families as the problem, it isn't their fault, either. Their job is to continue to process a no-fault dependent minor case, as no system exists for the management of clinical cases. States Attorneys deal with people that have broken the law. They don't have time to learn about mental health issues. They have bigger fish to fry. They don't have time to read through extensive documentation that would help them truly understand the needs of the children. It isn't fair to ask a person who is not a mental health expert to set goals about when dangerous children should return home, especially if they aren't able or willing to consider the input of the mental health experts.What about the judges? With most court dates to update the judge regarding the status of my child, a new judge has been present. In all the court dates we've had, only one judge has taken the time to read each report submitted, prior to beginning the proceeding. I almost wept that this single judge cared enough to take the time to read the reports prior to asking questions. This same judge spoke of the needs of ALL children in our family, and addressed the needs of the child that had been threatened, intimidated, physically abused, and sexually abused, in addition to my child that needs residential care.God Bless Toni Hoy for standing up for the rights of our severely mentally ill children and our families that are broke, exhausted, and hanging on by a thread. Bless Toni for telling the stories that so many biological and adoptive families are living. I didn't know the political background of how we ended up in this hell hole, but after reading Toni's book, I understand the good intentions that led us here...I am still fighting for the safety of my children, and when I know their safety is assured, I will be standing by Toni's side, providing the face of another family that agreed to "the devil's deal" to keep my children safe.Are you a social worker? Therapist? Mental health provider? Are you an attorney? A States Attorney processing a no-fault dependent minor petition? A judge? Read Second Time Foster Child. Do you have friends that are social workers, therapists, mental health providers, attorneys, or a judge? Know a legislator? Hand them this book. Are you a family member or friend of parents that agreed to "the devil's deal"? Invest thirty minutes and then decide if you can put this book down. When you get to the end of the book, it is unlikely you'll be able to be silent...Share it with a colleague...share it with a professional that may be able to help change this immoral situation in America, in 2012. Thank you, Toni Hoy, for speaking for those of us that can not yet speak for ourselves,because we're in the trenches working every day to keep our children safe. My promise is to speak, when I'm able, for the families that in this moment have no idea they will ever be living the lives we're living, in the days to come. Keep talking, Toni! I look forward to standing beside you, in the days to come. No parent should need to give up guardianship of their child to keep them alive, and keep siblings at home safe.
As parents of a child who is adopted and suffers from organic brain damage we have spent years trying to obtain her appropriate services. Even when we could get testing, frequently the recommended services were denied. More than once, we have faced the challenge by our state to place our child back into state custody in order to get her appropriate mental health treatment. The very people who placed her in our home so we could manage her care were asking for her back so there would be a "different funding stream" in order to provide for her.Toni's book enlightened us on ways to approach funding for treatment and has given us much needed courage during an incredibly difficult time in our child's life. We've filed appeals and won funding retroactively and have gotten the attention of folks that we likely would not have had we not read this book.Toni is a courageous woman and while this IS her story, it's also the story of many. In my opinion she does at least three things with "Second Time Foster Child." First, she does tell her experience and by doing so tells others like her that they aren't alone in this battle. Second, by telling her experience, she educates those who either are unaware or under-aware of this terrible problem. Third, she gives hope, by giving us possible solutions and telling us how to access resources.Toni, Thank you for writing this book. You just may have changed my daughters life.Blessings,CM
I cannot decide which takes greater courage,fighting the fight or writing of it later. Toni has put down for all to see, what is the most excruciating experience you can live through. She does so expressing without rancor and rage where the systems are flawed. For her compelling history here, there are thousands of families destroyed,voiceless but equally devastating. For every day that passes another child with mental health needs puts another family at risk,another child enters the prison system, another mother feels like a failure. Reform of child welfare, child mental health and legal system MUST happen.It must happen NOW to save money,lives and the future of this country.Every parent who has experienced this nightmare needs to press this book into the hands of "perfect"parent friends,this can easily be their future. This is a must read for preadoptive parents who are so vulnerable to deceptions while even if highly degreed are unprepared for this turn of life.For parents who have survived this horror this book is bittersweet,she won,so many of us are still in the battle.Thank you Toni.
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